Having been tasked with creating a playlist for my daughter’s upcoming shindig, I thought it would be fun to let the Grade 6 graduating class choose their own tunes by filling out anonymous request forms. Now that I’m actually going through the forms, however, I'm getting more than I bargained for.
On one hand, the kids are impressing me with requests for “Life on Mars,” songs from the Hamilton soundtrack, and calls for “No Bieber please!” On the other hand...this:
“Party in the USA,” Miley Cyrus: Best to avoid any new tariffs on partying.
“God’s Plan,” Drake: Once again, my utter bafflement regarding Drake’s popularity is confirmed.
“Cotton Eye Joe,” Rednex: Someone has been to a Leafs game recently...
“Oh! You Pretty Things,” David Bowie: This request loses points for referring to the late artist as “that guy who likes face paint.”
“Chicken Dance,” Beelzebub: Over my dead body.
“The Fortnite Rap Battle,” NerdOut: I know the Fortnite video game is ludicrously popular, but this makes the “Chicken Dance” sound like “Fight the Power.”
“Cheese Block,” Flurtlebus: I can barely read the me-calibre handwriting on this sheet. This could also read “Cleese Bock,” which sounds like an Anglo-German law firm.
“Freaky Friday,” Lil Dicky feat. Chris Brown: Need I go on?
“Who is zee the forest on this Halloween Night een spaimen”: I have no idea what this says, but it sounds like Norwegian death metal to me. And I was specifically told by the Dance Organizing Committee to avoid Norwegian death metal.
“The Muffin Man,” various artists: Oh, I know the Muffin Man. Only too well. Be careful what you wish for, Jokey McJokerton
“Shut up and Dance,” WALK THE MOON: I can’t support a band that lists its name in all-caps.
“Mamma Mia,” ABBA: The band name is an acronym, but Meryl Streep is my sworn enemy, so...
“Hello,” Adele: “Hello, how are you? Are you wondering why the DJ is playing this dirge at a dance?”
“Something Big,” Sean Mendes: Sean Mendes is an anagram of “de meanness,” and I just can’t support that.
On one hand, the kids are impressing me with requests for “Life on Mars,” songs from the Hamilton soundtrack, and calls for “No Bieber please!” On the other hand...this:
“Party in the USA,” Miley Cyrus: Best to avoid any new tariffs on partying.
“God’s Plan,” Drake: Once again, my utter bafflement regarding Drake’s popularity is confirmed.
“Cotton Eye Joe,” Rednex: Someone has been to a Leafs game recently...
“Oh! You Pretty Things,” David Bowie: This request loses points for referring to the late artist as “that guy who likes face paint.”
“Chicken Dance,” Beelzebub: Over my dead body.
“The Fortnite Rap Battle,” NerdOut: I know the Fortnite video game is ludicrously popular, but this makes the “Chicken Dance” sound like “Fight the Power.”
“Cheese Block,” Flurtlebus: I can barely read the me-calibre handwriting on this sheet. This could also read “Cleese Bock,” which sounds like an Anglo-German law firm.
“Freaky Friday,” Lil Dicky feat. Chris Brown: Need I go on?
“Who is zee the forest on this Halloween Night een spaimen”: I have no idea what this says, but it sounds like Norwegian death metal to me. And I was specifically told by the Dance Organizing Committee to avoid Norwegian death metal.
“The Muffin Man,” various artists: Oh, I know the Muffin Man. Only too well. Be careful what you wish for, Jokey McJokerton
“Shut up and Dance,” WALK THE MOON: I can’t support a band that lists its name in all-caps.
“Mamma Mia,” ABBA: The band name is an acronym, but Meryl Streep is my sworn enemy, so...
“Hello,” Adele: “Hello, how are you? Are you wondering why the DJ is playing this dirge at a dance?”
“Something Big,” Sean Mendes: Sean Mendes is an anagram of “de meanness,” and I just can’t support that.
