It’s too bad CBD massages weren’t as much of a thing in 2004, when I wrote several spa reviews for the Globe and Mail’s now-defunct “World of Wellbeing” column. After all, the two therapists who subjected me to my first (and last) "Mystical Water Ride" probably could have used one. 

Then as now, I took great pride in telling it like it was. Exactly how moist were the towelettes? Did the shower jets tickle or sting? How well did the piped-in pan-flute complement the live mandolin? I had the spa scoop when it counted. But there was one isolated incident I never reported. For one thing, it wasn’t really review material. For another, it was spectacularly embarrassing for everyone involved. Then again, those tend to be best stories, so here goes:

Shortly after checking into Port Severn’s lovely Christie’s Mill Inn, I made my way to the 7,000-square-foot Avalon spa for my Mystical Water Ride. The brand-new treatment started off swimmingly: After stripping down and being vigorously scrubbed and slathered in warm seaweed — behind curtains that somehow maintained my modesty — I was wrapped in towels, placed on a gurney and left to marinate for about half an hour.

Next, the gurney was wheeled under the seven high-powered jets of a Vichy shower. The two female attendants unwrapped me with the greatest discretion and care, and momentarily left the room so I could cover my naughty bits with an adequate-seeming face towel. The idea was that the shower would exfoliate my skin and remove the seaweed.

​​But it also removed the face towel.

In my near-comatose state, I was initially oblivious to the kerfuffle this caused. I did notice that the flow of water had ceased, and out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the attendants scamper across the room to retrieve my terrycloth fig leaf. It was delicately repositioned, the shower was restarted, and the towel was again blasted to the far side of the room.

It turned into a strange kind of repetitive dance: Rearrange towel, turn on water, towel goes flying, retrieve towel. It didn’t bother me much: I’m not especially modest, and the water was warm enough to avoid the Seinfeldian shrinkage all men fear. The attendants, however, seemed mortified, even after I mumbled that I didn’t really care about the towel as long as the powerful shower jets weren't aimed at the area it was covering.        

After about 15 towel retrievals the shower was over and I was quickly, and perhaps too securely, wrapped in several larger towels. I felt smooth, clean, tingly and generally wonderful. The bedraggled spa attendants, however, looked like they had been blasted with water cannons.

Shortly thereafter, I noticed that Avalon had stopped offering the "Mystical Water Ride." So I have to wonder: Was I the first, and last, Mystical Water Rider? 

With recreational cannabis consumption set to become legal in exactly five weeks, this Mostly Amazing series explores 11 places across the land that are best experienced with a buzz.

When was the last time you heard exuberant applause in a sauna?

While in Ottawa last Family Day, Angela and I felt no guilt whatsoever in ditching our daughters and driving 15 minutes north to Nordik Spa-Nature in the snowy Gatineau Hills.

We were keen to check out the many features that have been added to the 100,000-square-foot spa complex since our last visit in 2014. And we weren’t disappointed: I covered several of them in a recent Globe and Mail story about Canada's best spa patios. Hot stone massages and craft beer, together at last...

The one new experience I saved for my blog -- the Aufguss Ritual -- was unlike anything I’ve ever done, in a spa or otherwise.

After one glorious circuit of Le Nordik’s various hot and cold pools, saunas and steam rooms, we made our way to the spacious Finlandia sauna 10 minutes before the 1pm Aufguss. (The 15-minute ritual takes place on the hour every other hour.)

Sitting on the topmost of the three wooden tiers surrounding the sauna’s table-sized stove, we had worked up quite a sweat by the time the sounding of a gong signalled the start of the ritual. Within minutes, the place was packed.

While setting down several buckets of water, snow and perfectly formed snowballs, the Aufguss Master explained how the ritual would unfold and encouraged us to “listen to our bodies” and move to lower seating, or leave the sauna altogether, should the heat become uncomfortable.

Dramatic music filled the space as our young guide scooped out three of the snowballs, each infused with essential oils, and dropped them one by one onto the enormous stove’s super-heated rocks. Juniper-scented steam immediately rose into the air, and was enthusiastically dispersed by the Aufguss Master as she skillfully whirled a folded towel around the sauna, her tattooed arms glistening with sweat.

This exhilarating process was repeated two more times with different oils, raising the temperature and humidity to a point where a few members of the audience took their leave. Then, just before the ritual ended with effusive and well-deserved applause, those who remained were cooled off in thrilling fashion when the Aufguss Master used her wooden scoop to douse us repeatedly with icy meltwater. Did I scream? You bet I did. Was it with pleasure or with pain? I’m not entirely sure -- and, as with many aspects of Le Nordik, that was the magic of the experience.

Warning: This video doesn't do the Aufguss justice. Just so you know.

With recreational cannabis consumption set to become legal in exactly 11 weeks, Mostly Amazing launches this 11-part series on places across the land that are best experienced with a buzz.

It’s a good thing there’s a twilight showing of Aura, the dazzling new sound-and-light show in the historic Notre-Dame Basilica. How else could I admire so many of Montreal’s luminous wonders in a single Friday evening?

During Aura’s introductory walk-through, dozens of projectors enhance the Gothic Revival high altar, choir stalls and soaring vault festooned with angels and stars. Christ’s radiant heart is striking enough in an oil painting, but when it starts glowing and then beating — complete with audio effects — my own pulse ticks up a notch.

This ticking turns into more of a whir soon after I take a seat in the pews. Spotlights direct my attention toward works of art, and then, as the orchestral music swells, the vault suddenly morphs into a giant glass dome mottled with falling leaves and dancing snowflakes. The storms of spring dramatically conclude the seasonal second act, with rising waters appearing to inundate the Basilica and then shatter the glass ceiling projected high above. My head feels like it’s on a swivel when dozens of laser beams shoot from the back of the nave and the 10-metre-tall Casavant Frères organ unleashes its 7,000 pipes.

My senses are still buzzing as I step out onto the cobblestones of the Place d’Armes, where the triumphant Maisonneuve Monument and the Pantheon-esque Bank of Montreal Museum are also bathed in floodlights.

But after seeing what projection-mapped images, lasers and sensor-equipped screen arrays can do — more on the latter in a moment — I’m now in search of cutting-edge radiance. Two centuries after tens of thousands of gas lamps transformed Paris into the City of Light, it seems Montreal’s historic buildings, restaurants, spas, public gardens and works of art are updating, and perhaps commandeering, that nickname.

READ THE REST OF THE STORY IN THE GLOBE AND MAIL

I won't deny that there are some glaring gaps in the Canada 150 Countdown.

These regional omissions were pointed out to me several times as July 1 neared. As “Canucklehead” put it in a comment: "The Canada 150 Countdown? Where is Manitoba? Yukon? The WHOLE DAMN EAST COAST? Time for a new title!"

Fair point.

Then there's this comment from “From The Rock”: "Still waiting for something from Newfoundland. Why don't you come visit?"

Honestly, I would like nothing more. Between now and the Canada 200 celebrations I plan to attend as a vampire or mummy, I solemnly pledge to explore more of the six provinces and two territories that aren't covered by the Ontario-Quebec-BC-Alberta-NWT Countdown. (Happy now, Canucklehead?) Now that my Atlantic Canada and Yukon/Nunavut to-do lists are out there, here are the six spots at the top of my 50-year itinerary for Manitoba and Saskatchewan:

Churchill
Getting a first-hand look at the world’s largest land carnivore sounds worthy of my bucket list — but getting eaten by said carnivore does not. In Churchill, however, polar bears padding across the tundra can be viewed safely from tractor-wheeled tundra buggies, one of many local diversions that help make this town on the shores of Hudson’s Bay a true gateway to the North. Beluga whale watching flourishes in summer — visitors can even snorkel with them — and bird-watchers flock here in spring. Winter, meanwhile, is the best time to go dog-sledding and watch the Northern Lights dance overhead.

Wanuskewin Heritage Park 
Now vying for World Heritage Site status, this complex explores 6,000 years of Northern Plains Indian culture. More than 20 hands-on archaeological sites litter than property, along with walking and snowshoe trails, a medicine wheel, and a buffalo enclosure. For a more immersive experience, year-round teepee sleepovers include bannock and muskeg tea, as well as traditional storytelling around a campfire.

Mosaic Stadium
I regret never visiting Taylor Field, the former home of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, to watch my Calgary Stampeders put the hurt on the Green and White. Thankfully, the CFL's best fans continue to sport hollowed-out watermelons, which is something I simply must see given my world-class Watermelon Scramble skills.

Riding Mountain National Park
Sitting atop the Manitoba Escarpment, this World Biosphere Reserve lures hikers, paddlers and cross-country skiers to forested hills and valleys, deep gorges and plentiful lakes. This diverse parkland must contrast beautifully with the surrounding prairie, with a beautiful-looking forest skating rink and 200 kilometres of XC ski trails adding to the allure.

Grasslands National Park
Deer? Check. Antelope? Check. A home where the buffalo roam? Check — that is, after a herd of plains bison was reintroduced to Grasslands in 2006. With its pristine namesake terrain, fossil-rich badlands and ancient tepee rings, this relatively recent addition to Canada's national parks provides a glimpse of prairie life before European settlers moved in. With a complete lack of artificial light earning it “dark-sky preserve” status in 2009, I'm confident I'll get a superb look at the heavens because, you know, the skies are not cloudy all day…

Temple Gardens Mineral Spa Resort
As a bath person, Canada’s largest geothermal mineral-water rooftop pool sounds too good to miss. And if said soak is combined with an “Indian Spice Hot Oil Massage Treatment” at the Sun Tree Spa, all the better!

​WHERE TO STAY
A short walk from Mosaic Stadium, the Delta Hotels Regina is an ideal option for visiting CFL fans. 

​Travel elicits many emotions, from awe to anger and from upgrade ecstasy to gift-shop remorse. But over the course of my Canadian wanderings there’s something more: Pride. That's what this daily series is all about: Sharing my proud perspective on the 30 places and experiences that make my country the greatest on Earth. Some of my selections are world-famous, others are little-known, a few are acquired tastes, and this one covers two of my most blissful — and most awkward — spa experiences...
 
As a bath person, I thought I had found my true calling in 2004 when I wrote several spa reviews for the Globe and Mail’s now-defunct “World of Wellbeing” column. After all, several of the Ontario resort spas I visited — notably Niagara-on-the-Lake’s 100 Fountain Spa and the Millcroft Spa in Acton — built many decadent treatments around bathing. The latter’s Japanese Ofuro, for instance, lasted nearly two hours and combined an exfoliating body polish with a relaxing, oil-infused soak and full body massage. If I had a billion dollars, I’d have one every day.
 
The Ofuro was also notable for providing my second-most-awkward spa experience. I opted for a couples treatment with my wife, Angela, but for some reason the Millcroft therapists were under the impression we were co-workers. So, when it came time to disrobe, we were shown to separate locker rooms to don bathing suits. When we explained that we had left our suits in our guest room, it was suggested that we retrieve them. When we asked if this was strictly necessary, the attendants exchanged glances and haltingly explained the nudity involved. When we said “sounds good,” they must have made mental notes about the coziness of the Globe newsroom. Sensing some confusion, we disclosed our marital status. Oh how we laughed.
 
Thing is, this wasn’t even close to my most awkward spa moment.
 
Shortly after checking into Port Severn’s lovely Christie’s Mill Inn, I made my way to the 7,000-square-foot Avalon spa for my "Mystical Water Ride." The brand-new treatment started off swimmingly: After stripping down and being vigorously scrubbed and slathered in warm seaweed — behind curtains that somehow maintained my modesty — I was wrapped in towels, placed on a gurney and left to marinate for about half an hour.
 
Next, the gurney was wheeled under the seven high-powered jets of a Vichy shower. The two female attendants unwrapped me with the greatest discretion and care, and momentarily left the room so I could cover my naughty bits with an adequate-seeming face towel. The idea was that the shower would exfoliate my skin and remove the seaweed.

​​But it also removed the face towel.
 
In my near-comatose state, I was initially oblivious to the kerfuffle this caused. I did notice that the flow of water had ceased, and out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the attendants scamper across the room to retrieve my terrycloth fig leaf. It was delicately repositioned, the shower was restarted, and the towel was again blasted to the far side of the room.
 
It turned into a strange kind of repetitive dance: Rearrange towel, turn on water, towel goes flying, retrieve towel. It didn’t bother me much: I’m not especially modest, and the water was warm enough to avoid the Seinfeldian shrinkage all men fear. The attendants, however, seemed mortified, even after I mumbled that I didn’t really care about the towel as long as the powerful shower jets weren't aimed at the area it was covering.        
 
After about 15 towel retrievals the shower was over and I was quickly, and perhaps too securely, wrapped in several larger towels. I felt smooth, clean, tingly and generally wonderful. The bedraggled spa attendants, however, looked like they had been blasted with water cannons.
 
Shortly thereafter, I noticed that Avalon had stopped offering the "Mystical Water Ride." So I have to wonder: Was I the first, and last, Mystical Water Rider?

WHERE TO STAY
If you're jetting into the GTA and plan to visit any or all of the superb spa resorts mentioned here, the SpringHill Suites Toronto Vaughan is minutes from Pearson airport, half an hour from the Millcroft, and almost exactly halfway between Avalon and the 100 Fountain Spa.

Does anything say "Summer in Ontario" like cliff-jumping into a lake? For the record, I've never backed down from one of these leaps, but not because I'm some kind of fearless daredevil. (To my credit, I am one of the few men who has survived a "Mystical Water Ride.")

The key: I know my limit. I never want to be that guy -- and I'm personally acquainted with a few of them -- who hums and haws at the top of a drop only to end up opting for the "balk of shame."

I've jumped off countless cliffs into dozens of lakes and rivers across Ontario and Quebec cottage-country -- Kahshe and Go Home lakes are two of my personal favourites -- but none have topped out at more than 20 feet. Then there's Rick's Bar in Negril, Jamaica, where I plunged 35 feet from the famous cliffs upon which the tavern is perched. It was there that I officially established my cliff-jumping (and Pina Colada) upper limit, and realized that some jumpers appear to have no upper limits, as evidenced by locals who nearly doubled the drop by leaping from spindly trees topping the cliffs.

This brings me to Devin “Supertramp” Graham, who has made something of a career out of acrobatic cliff-jumping around the world. Indeed, Contiki Tours' new Contiki Legends campaign includes a video of Graham doing his thing along Italy's glorious Amalfi Coast. Check it out above. It is...bonkers.

Contiki also posted a list of "8 Amazing Cliff Diving Spots Around the World," which I've pasted below. Turns out Rick's Bar is one of them, so I left it out. That means there are seven jumps remaining on my bucket list. The photos alone (in the gallery at the end) are worth the price of admission. Which just happens to be zero dollars and zero cents. You can thank me by refraining from heckling if you ever see me make the balk of shame...

FURORE BRIDGE, FURORE, ITALY
Furore, known locally as "Neverland," is a small village on the steep cliffs of a fjord. The Fjord of Furore is easily one of the most striking things about the area, where water erosion has created stunning cliffs that overhang the ocean. Then there's the Furore Bridge, where diving championships are held annually and where you can jump 90 feet into the water.

SERPENT'S LAIR, INIS MOR, IRELAND
This 92-foot drop attracts cliff divers from around the world, and even played host to championships in recent years. It's been described as a "leap of faith," because all you see is rock until a few seconds after you've jumped.

CRATER LAKE, CRATER LAKE NATIONAL PARK, OREGON
Crater Lake is the deepest lake in the U.S., so you don't need to worry about hitting the bottom nearly 2,000 feet below the surface.

THE AZURE WINDOW, GOZO, MALTA
This 92-foot-high arch consists of yellow to pale-grey limestone, and was used as a shooting location in Season 1 of Game of Thrones.

GEOJE ISLAND, SOUTH KOREA
Have your pick of impressive granite rock faces to throw yourself from. If you're in to that kind of thing.

LAKE VOULIAGMENI, GREECE
This amazing spot, locally referred to as "Sunken Lake," maintains a 24°C water temperature year round and is said to be haunted by numerous mystical creatures (just to make it even scarier).

STARI MOST, MOSTAR, BOSNIA
Nestled within the Bosnian city of Mostar is the Stari Most, or "Old Bridge," over the river Neretva, where for decades locals and tourists alike have jumped into the freezing water to the applause of those on the banks of the river below.

GOLD: Besides further cementing the Calgary Flames’ status as the greatest hockey franchise in the history of the universe, the team’s massive OT win in Philadelphia last night has made Starwood Hotels & Resorts’ “Get away for game day” offer all the more relevant. Now, four of Canada’s seven NHL teams are in playoff position, and until April 30 the lodging chain is offering 20 per cent off nightly stays at participating properties across Canada (not to rub it in, but even ones in Toronto, Edmonton and Ottawa). You have to book via the “Get away for game day” page to get the discount, which is sometimes limited to weekends or weekdays. The playoffs, meanwhile, start April 15. Go Flames go!

SILVER: Consider it a late-winter hedge: If you stay at the Ritz-Carlton Montreal (pictured below) and the weather warms up, you’ll get to explore Canada’s most vibrant city in only a sweater (or a Flames jersey, which I recommend). But if the temperature drops, as we all know it will, then the luxurious hotel’s “The Colder the Better” package will save you some cash. Available for all suites with fireplaces, guests automatically save a percentage off room rates based on the below-zero temperature outside at check-in. Minus 25 degrees when you stroll into the lobby? Save 25 per cent. If the mercury dips further, save even more. The package includes herbal teas, hot chocolate, chocolate-flavoured marshmallows and spiced Speculoos cookies in your suite; cocktails and breakfast at the Maison Boulud restaurant; complimentary parking; and a late checkout. It’s available until April 30 and priced from $720 per night based on double occupancy (minus the chilly discount, of course).

BRONZE: It’s worth noting that every deal on this list includes most of Canada’s March Break weeks. But this one does not include the kids – and good thing too. From March 16 to 20, the lovely Ste. Anne’s Spa (pictured below) in the rolling Northumberland Hills east of Toronto is offering 20 per cent off all-inclusive day trips. For $175 a person, you get a $120 spa allowance, a three-course lunch, afternoon tea and use of the various spa facilities. Consider it an adult March Break. Call 1-888-346-6772 to book.

Why am I launching this monthly series on the last weekday in January? No month is more escape-worthy than the one to come — hence the “February blahs” — and here in the Great White North you can choose to embrace winter with a snowy getaway, or escape it in a spa, gallery, aquarium, restaurant and the like. Here, then, are three bargains that cover the spectrum:

Bayview Wildwood Resort, Muskoka
Toronto is blanketed in white this morning, but trust me: Sooner or later, the city will revert to its standard winter brownness. A 90-minute drive north, however, the Muskoka landscape surrounding Bayview Wildwood Resort (pictured) stays snowy all winter long, and is ideal for XC skiing, snowshoeing, skating, tobogganing…in short, all those activities you can’t do when Hogtown turns brown. Bayview Wildwood just launched a two-night “Resort to Fun Winter Weekends” package, which includes two lavish buffet breakfasts and two three-course dinners, resort amenities such as an indoor pool, hot tub, games room and squash courts, live entertainment on Saturday night, and all the equipment and facilities needed for the aforementioned diversions. The damage? As little as $552 (plus tax) for a family of four until Feb. 8, and again from Feb. 20 to March 8.

Scandinave Spa Montreal
The sublime hot-then-cold circuit of pools, saunas and steam rooms offered by the Scandinave chain of spas takes on a decidedly urban feel in Montreal's gorgeous Old Port district, where the indoor facility (pictured below) features bean bag chairs, mood lighting and plenty of glass and chrome. It’s all extremely relaxing — especially when paired with a massage — and until March 26 costs just $39 for the baths and $99 for the baths plus a massage on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Combine this with a midweek special from one of the spa’s 21 lodging partners, and February will melt away in a hurry.

Resorts of the Canadian Rockies
There are some very solid ski deals right now from Resorts of the Canadian Rockies, which owns six mountains across B.C., Alberta and Quebec. At Fernie’s Slopeside Lodge, for instance, guests can get 20 per cent off stays of two nights or more and save 25 per cent on lift tickets. Together, this yields a nightly ski-and-stay rate of $91 per person (plus taxes and based on double occupancy). That price somehow dips slightly, to $87, with a similar deal at Glacier Mountaineer Lodge at Kicking Horse (pictured below), and even further, to $68, at Kimberley’s Polaris Lodge.

The bad news: Mostly Amazing did not win the "Travel Blog Award" at last week's Ontario Tourism Awards Gala at Blue Mountain Resort. (It went to Colin Field, whose hunger-inducing post explored Henry’s, a restaurant in the middle of Georgian Bay's 30,000 Islands.)

The good news: I did win the "Travel Media Award" (pictured below) for a 2013 Toronto Star roundup of winter getaways across Ontario. (Cue fireworks and/or fanfare.) The key to victory: The story kicked off with a wiener dog (technically a dachshund-husky cross) pulling small children on a dogsled at Deerhurst Resort near Huntsville. In truth, the wiener dog really wanted to do the pulling, but the ropes kept getting tangled and...well...just read the article.  

The bad news: Chilli, the seven-year-old tubular canine in question (pictured above), was unable to join me at the awards. Her people informed me that she had a prior engagement with the Society of Canadian Hounds Now Involved in Tugging Stuff Around Lots (or SCHNITSAL).  

The good news:  In pessimistic anticipation of leaving the awards empty-handed, I hedged my bets by booking a visit to the Scandinave Spa Blue Mountain (pictured below). It is impossible to feel disappointment or stress while lazing in the bucolic complex's steamy pools, sauna and steam room. You might even feel a sense of healthy accomplishment when you plunge into one of the frigid pools that comprise Scandinave's wellness circuit of hot-cold-rest, which can be completed in a Muskoka chair-filled chill-out room or around smoldering outdoor fire pits. 

The bad news: Bringing fancy glass statuettes into the Scandinave pool complex is strictly prohibited, even if they are dangling from chunky gold necklaces. Just so you know...