We both know timing is not your strong suit. Every year, it seems, TV news anchors breathlessly report on the latest nor’easter trapping the huddled masses in airports across the province.
This year, however, your partner in crime appears to be giving the masses a break. Mother Nature is delivering sunshine and balmy temperatures to the GTA all weekend (fingers crossed), which is much appreciated...under the circumstances.
What circumstances, you ask? Don't play dumb with me. We both know Daylight Savings Time starts on Sunday, meaning parents across Ontario will have one less hour of sleep just as you get going. But wait, there's more: St. Patrick's Day just happens to fall smack dab in the middle of the week, as it has more often than not since the Ministry of Education created you. Do the math: Thursday + green beer + kids at home = Friday from hell. Don't try blaming Father Time for this. Sometimes, Ontario March Break, you can be a real prick.
That's why I'm fighting back. In an effort to sidestep the aforementioned masses and meteorological mayhem, I took the brood skiing at B.C.'s Big White Ski Resort (pictured) nearly two weeks before your scheduled arrival. Naturally, our flight took off in the middle of a blizzard, but we made it to Kelowna with very little delay and ended up having a blast. Eight metres of snow + daily ski school + condo hot tub = ahhhh. Just so you know, I attribute much of our success to your absence.
I've also compiled lists of local diversions for the brood while you're in town. Face it: There's more than enough here and here to counteract your meltdown-inducing effects.
To put it bluntly, your evil powers are on the wane. Next year, St. Paddy's Day is on a Friday. (High five, Father Time!) And who knows? Maybe Ontario will follow Saskatchewan's lead and ditch Daylight Savings Time (because it is idiotic). Plus, your arrival will coincide with L. Ron Hubbard's birthday, and you don't mess with Scientologists.
In short, I look forward to seeing the back of you next Friday. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.